my Dave

The world is such a different place now. I don’t recognize it without you in it. The trees look just like trees. Cars look just like cars. Nothing has a special meaning. It’s all just there to serve a point. The sun shines through the window and all I can think is how it glares. But I know I used to bask in it. I know I use to take glory in the warmth of the sun – cause it was special, and I could share it with you.  But the world is such a different place now. I hear people but I can’t see them. I think of you, but I’m not sure if you were real. I feel deep love and then great pain and I struggle to understand why things can be that way.

Do you remember our last days? All the time in the world lay before us. How were we to know that world would end? That world was perfect. It was more than either of us had ever imagined. I am not at peace with it. I want our life back.

The world is such a different place now. There is no ‘our,’ just ‘mine.’ There is no ‘us,’ just ‘me.’ Chaos surrounds me with mere moments of clarity. Dave was here – and now he’s gone.

Everyone is telling me about time. Time will heal, time will tell. Time was supposed to be on our side, what the hell does time know?

This is my nightmare of nightmares. I had been fighting the thought the whole day you died. I told your friends you were probably just working, you were probably out ground launching – as I held my breath and hoped to the ends of the earth that that is why you weren’t answering my calls.

The world changed forever that day. Life as I knew it will never be the same. All that lays before me is a world where you have left your mark but no longer exist, and I’m not sure if that’s enough for me. This wasn’t the plan. You’re supposed to be here with me having the summer of our lives – planning our beach nuptials – our California winter – our life of fun and us.

The world is such a different place now. I don’t recognize anything. Most meaning has been lost. What have I left to believe in? What is left? Nothing is the same.


About humanbeen

I'm a has-been that was. I'm a dreamer that does.
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One Response to my Dave

  1. Andrea says:

    Sheri, I hope that each new day helps you hurt a little less each time you think of him. Love you girl!!

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