I can’t conceive that you have died. I try, but I just can’t grasp it. You’re still so much alive to me. You’re still my guy. I’m still your girl. You’re still my lover. I’m still yours. You’re still in my every thought. Dave it’s as though you just haven’t come home. I was waiting and waiting, but you didn’t come home. They tell me you’ve died. I’ve your ashes – so they say. But it doesn’t quite register. It doesn’t make it real. I miss your voice. I miss your words. I miss the things only you will say. I was waiting. I am still waiting. When do we get to wake up every morning to each other? Have coffee and shower, eat and work? I was being patient. You needed your time. I gave you what you needed, but you never came home. This is unreal to me. It’s a madness I don’t want. Why my guy? Why did the universe take my guy? Why is this our reality Dave? How come I don’t get to grow old with you? Who decided this was to be our fate? I miss you so much Dave. Sleeping sucks. Waking up sucks. Eating sucks. It all just sucks. Half the time I can’t even think about you as real because it makes me hate life. The other half I picture you walking with me, but it’s distorted – it hurts too much to bring you back to life just yet. I’m so confused. I just don’t want to live here without you. I want to grow old with you still. I want more years with you. I want more experiences with you. Why don’t I get to have these? Who decided this? Why must I ignore your existence at times? Why is it so hard to survive? Dave, you were the best thing that ever happened to me – I told you this in San Diego. I really don’t like my life right now. It was finally worth living, and now – I really don’t like my life. Like seriously, Dave – I don’t understand any of this. What’s the point? Where’s the hidden meaning in this? Dave – I love you. Dave – I’m in love with you. Dave – why don’t I get to have a life with you?