a chat with the universe


ME: Why is my life like this? Why can’t I have what I want? Why am I not happy?

UNIVERSE: We decided that wasn’t the life you were going to have.

ME: Who’s we?

UNIVERSE: Why, everyone in the whole universe of course.

ME: Why do they get to choose the course of my life?

UNIVERSE: For the same reason you get to partake in the paths of theirs.

ME: I don’t understand.

UNIVERSE: Every choice by every person since the beginning of time has led to every other choice by every person. So essentially everyone chooses for each other.

ME: But I’m the one who chose and this is not what I wanted.

UNIVERSE: Are you sure it was you? It’s what you have now anyway.

ME: Of course I’m sure. I’m miserable. Why would I want to be miserable? I already said this isn’t what I wanted.

UNIVERSE: Are you sure you’re miserable? Maybe you need to give your life a chance.

ME: Of course I’m sure. This is not the life I want.

UNIVERSE: But this is the life you get.

ME: But what about what I want?

UNIVERSE: This is what you want.

ME: I would never choose this. You just said everyone else chose it.

UNIVERSE: That would be true if the concept of who you are is actually what you think it is, but it’s not.

ME: I don’t understand.

UNIVERSE: You think you are alone, a sole self, but you are not alone. You are many.

ME: But I have a sense of self and I feel individual.

UNIVERSE: You get the idea you’re individual because you all have your own bodies, but those bodies all come from the same place, through the same choices. They are but a guise.

ME: So if I’m not who I think I am, then this might not be the life I think it is?

UNIVERSE: Life can be whatever you want.

ME: But you just said that I have no real choice.

UNIVERSE: Of course you do. Choices are real.

ME: I’m confused.

UNIVERSE: It’s really quite simple. You are everyone that ever existed. Everyone else existing now is part of you as much as you are a part of them. The life you have and the person you are is determined by everyone, so essentially it is determined by you.

ME: But then why give me any choice in anything?

UNIVERSE: Because your opinion matters, but it’s not the only thing that matters.

ME: But if we are all the same then why not just make one of us. Why all these separate bodies and separate lives?

UNIVERSE: Nothing is really separate. Everything is connected. You just think its separate. It’s so all the experiences can be had.

ME: But I think. I feel. I am a separate being.

UNIVERSE: Well, in that body you are. You are merely a part of a bigger whole.

ME: So you’re saying it doesn’t matter what I want, because I get what I get anyway?

UNIVERSE: No. What you want matters. It’s just not always what matters most.

ME: But I’m still miserable. I still don’t like my life.

UNIVERSE: But it’s the life you have. If you don’t like it perhaps it is you who needs to change.

ME: I was happy before. But then everything changed so quickly. I had everything I wanted. Now I have nothing I want.

UNIVERSE: But you have your sense of self. You have your feeling of individuality.

ME: But those are not things I wanted.

UNIVERSE: Are you sure?

ME: I like them, but that’s different.

UNIVERSE: So you’re saying you don’t always want what you like, or what you like isn’t always what you want?

ME: I guess

UNIVERSE: Then what is your problem?

ME: I don’t like my life. I’m miserable. I want to know why I can’t have what I want.

UNIVERSE: Well if you don’t like your life now, what makes you think that if you like it you will want it?

ME: Because what I want makes me happy.

UNIVERSE: How do you know if you don’t have it that it’ll make you happy?

ME: Because, well, I had it before and it made me happy.

UNIVERSE: So then really you just want to be happy? Or you want what you had?

ME: Well, yes. And to love my life.

UNIVERSE: Well then you need to change what you want.

ME: So want to be happy?

UNIVERSE: Not exactly, we already found out that not everything you want you like, so maybe if you want to be happy you may not like that either.

ME: Then what?

UNIVERSE: Maybe you need to stop wanting and just be happy.

ME: How do I do that?

UNIVERSE: Easy. Just remember what I said at the beginning – That you have no real choice.

ME: I said that. Not you.

UNIVERSE: Are you sure?

ME: Of course.

UNIVERSE: Then maybe you weren’t paying attention.

ME: Of course I was, I was talking to you.

UNIVERSE: Well, actually, you are talking to yourself. Don’t you see?

ME: I don’t think so.

UNIVERSE: What you had is another life. What you have is a new life. What you will get is another life. You have no choice in this. All you can do is live the life you have right now. You never wanted any of this in the beginning, but somehow you still live and you want. When you stop wanting, you will begin living. Only then will you know what true happiness is. Only then will you love your life.

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About humanbeen

I'm a has-been that was. I'm a dreamer that does.
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3 Responses to a chat with the universe

  1. sKY:: says:

    Sheri, this is one of the most profound blog postings I’ve ever read by you. For you to step outside of yourself, confronting and questioning your deepest darkest pain and to find truth and light behind the meaning of our lives, our happiness, is quite amazing, especially right now, when nothing seems to make sense and the pain is still so intense. You are amazing and beautiful, inside to out.

    From my own experience, my deep-rooted heartache has come from the cravings and desires that I wanted in life, in which I searched for happiness and meaning. It may have been for a sensation, feeling, emotion, physical item or person. But when the choice comes from outside my own control (such as losing my dearest friend and lover to suicide, or my Brother to a motorcycle tragedy), it becomes unbearable, the thought of not ever having that happiness available, destiny shifted and challenged, changed forever.

    I love your analogy to how man exists as one being, choosing the destiny of many. How we are a whole, one mankind. When one bleeds, everyone bleeds. To know that we are not alone in our pain, our happiness, our love is huge. Life changing, shifting. This gives me hope as to our afterlife, that we are carried onwards beyond this physical plane, by the spirit of many.

    I hope your conversation with the universe helped to give context to your sorrowful pain. Death never really makes sense, and the loss is so profound, it feels as if the loss if suffocating one’s soul. You have been overwhelmingly changed and touched by Dave’s death. I hear it in your written voice with each blog posting, growing each and every day, cre8ting a new life, a new today, a new tomorrow.

    I know happiness does exist for us all. But in what context you may ask? It comes and goes so randomly, fading in and out of existence. When man can stop, breath and find insight (like you have), I have no doubt that this happiness will alight upon mankind in many forms, at many times. It may be in a sunset painting the sky, a sunflower in full bloom, a successful tomato harvest, the comfort of a friend’s shoulder when disappointment and pain seems so overwhelming, but knowing that shoulder will always be there.

    Wishing you many moments of clarity and happiness and comfort in your Universe.
    Sending you love and strength to shoulder you through the difficult times.

    love
    sKY::

  2. Kathryn Knight says:

    Wow.

  3. Lonnie says:

    “When you stop wanting, you will begin living. Only then will you know what true happiness is. Only then will you love your life.”

    So,….I “want” to stop wanting right?

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