when it’s time

I know I’m going to miss San Diego. I think about it as I wind my way through her streets, palm trees whizzng by, her architecture unexplored – I have left everything too late. This place is largely unexplored and unknown to me – it is uncharacteristic and I almost regret it. I didn’t take a great interest in San Diego. I’m not entirely sure why. I’ve hardly even been downtown and I’ve met only a handful of people who don’t actually skydive. It takes a while to get to know anyone in any big city – I know this. But as I’ve finally gotten to the point where the city is revealing herself to me – I’m leaving. And I have a bit of FOMO setting in. But there are some thing bigger and grander – there is a wise part in my brain telling me I’m doing the right thing. It’s ok. Just keep going. I’m still going to miss San Diego.

That feeling of wasting time has been a recurring issue in my day to day. It’s not that I don’t love skydiving – ok – really I choose the lifestyle – but I’ve been wondering for a long time what I’m missing. What do other people do on the weekend – ’cause I really don’t know. Skydiving has consumed me and I need a break. I know I have a good life – better than some, and I know I’m not really missing anything – I have loved ones and a home and a social life, it’s just that I am an explorer. I can’t stay in the same place for too long. An explorer – apparently not in San Diego, though.

But I will miss Taco Tuesday at South Beach, cruising the boardwalk in Mission Beach, Going to Dog Beach in OB to relax sans the tourists, hitting happy hour (cause they don’t have that in Ontario) mostly at Islands by the dz, the warm Santa Anas – which invariably shut the dropzone down, but I like them, the crazy drivers on the freeway and fearing for my life, going over the Coronado bridge – often to drink with Sara, being able to pop into Hooters to see Anna and have a beer, finding a burrito almost anywhere – and it’s usually good, seeing all the military people and their enormous egos, the short shorts in the man garden, and so many other things that have been Skydive San Diego and San Diego. In some way I will also miss seeing the ground-launch hill. But that’s a different thing all together. This place helped me learn to go on. And I’m thankful for that. But it’s time to go on.

And first I’m going home.

I can’t wait to cruise down Thunder Bay’s streets in mom’s car – at 5 p.m. – dark – cold – greyish-ick – snow crunching under the tires – heat blasting – bad music piping – Christmas lights strung over eaves and porches – my sweater making me too hot – a Timmy’s in the cup holder – on my way to Carolyn’s house or someone who I actually still know back home.

And then Christmas at home.

And then Bangkok. And much of SE Asia.

I’m getting excited. And that’s usually a no no for me. But I can’t help it. There is nothing like this feeling -the one that says – you are doing what you want to with your life. Always. I always do. This time, though, the feeling is quite strong.


About humanbeen

I'm a has-been that was. I'm a dreamer that does.
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2 Responses to when it’s time

  1. Crazy dog lady says:

    Although I always feel drawn to skydiving, I have always told myself “it ain’t going anywhere”. If you spend your life on a DZ you will certainly miss out on lots of other cool stuff this world has to offer. BUT the world of skydiving also has so much to offer.
    Variety is the spice of life my dear. This is just another page, another chapter, another beginning… x x x

    • humanbeen says:

      You are too right, Sue. I wish I was coming to NZ again, but you know I’m glad I’m doing something new and exciting. But I still don’t think I’m quite done with NZ just yet. :o)

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