Tag Archives: grief

five years

I made it. I made it five years. Do I get a badge now? A congratulatory cookie? Is there some kind of database my name goes into detailing that I survived this … darkness? I really wanted to ask what … Continue reading

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three years later

I’ve been aware of this day approaching for the past two months. Obviously. Sometimes I can’t get it out of my head. But it’s not like it’s a dark cloud that blocks the sun. I suppose it’s more like a … Continue reading

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recovering

The flashbacks are getting clearer. I’m remembering more from moments we shared and I can see him in every fine and small detail I loved. I’ve even dreamt about him, and I next to never dream about anyone who is … Continue reading

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my drive – part 2

I couldn’t hike down to the spot where Dave died. It was steep and my legs were exhausted. The whole climb up I marvelled at how my chain smoker could climb that hill everyday. I kept pausing to gasp for … Continue reading

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connections

I’m sitting on the step of my trailer talking with Margo about life and how it feels to miss Dave – and this profound truth comes swimming into my head like an old memory from camp days when I was … Continue reading

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attachment and love

Attachment is a strange thing. Love is even stranger. People have philosophized about love for millennia and it’s no wonder why. It messes with our senses. It invades our thoughts. It creates a most resilient form of attachment that even … Continue reading

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a letter

Dear Dave, The weather’s beginning to change. It’s not that it’s cool out yet, not really, but I can wear jeans and it doesn’t bother me. You would be itching to leave here by now. But we would be leaving … Continue reading

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two months

I feel so incomplete without you here. There’s a hollowness in my gut and a black hole in my chest. My brain still feels like it’s on a spin cycle and my heart – it’s completely broken and grey. Two … Continue reading

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passenger

Things are changing so quickly lately. The rollercoaster has been getting stuck in certain places for longer amounts of times and occasionally I have been having five straight minutes in one reality – the reality. It’s becoming clearer who Dave … Continue reading

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as for now

When I saw Dave in San Diego I gave him a jade necklace I picked out for him in New Zealand. He had given me his pin necklace before I had left, so I felt that I had to replace … Continue reading

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